A Tradition Zulu Ceremony: Abayeni

Just a few days after I arrived home from my winter break travels, my host sister asked me if I would be home the upcoming Saturday. As I had just spent nearly four weeks away, I said that I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. She smiled and said that was good news, because there would be a traditional pre-wedding ceremony, called Abayeni, in the village on the 20^th of July! The hosting family would be the Ndlovu’s, who live just around the corner. The eldest son in the family owns the shop that I frequent to buy bread, cookies, and beans, and it is his sister that would be getting married. Since it is the bride’s family that plays host to this traditional ceremony, it was good news indeed. After attending my host family’s reunion function, I was hoping that there would be more traditional ceremonies on the horizon.

Ready for the Abayeni

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My host mom suggested I borrow some traditional attire to wear for the day. Not sure if I pulled it off, but everyone kept telling me I looked wonderful. You can judge for yourself.

It was a glorious Saturday, and things got started around 10:30am with the presentation of gifts to the women of the groom’s family. The groom’s mother received the vast majority of the items, including large amounts of cash, paraffin (oil used in lamps and small stoves), sugar and maize, washbasins, and blankets. Blankets are a BIG thing. Everyone gets a blanket. Seriously, nearly every woman that was related to the groom sat down on the ground and received a blanket by having it wrapped around her. The quality of the blanket was determined in part by her age and how closely related she was, but I am pretty sure that I counted nearly 40 blankets in the original pile to be distributed.

Gifts for the groom's family, given mostly to his
mother in the pink scarf and white blanket.

After all the blankets and other gifts were packed up, the bride’s family took their turn to receive gifts from the groom’s family, with a slightly different twist. First the youngest brother of the bride received a small handful of gifts that he was allowed to request in advance. In this case, that included a new pair of rain boots, an umbrella, and some liquor. Then the oldest brother of the bride (and host in this case) took center stage to receive a few gifts that he also requested in advance. His list included a blanket and new sneakers. It is my understanding that the bride’s father would also have received several gifts at this time, but as he was no longer alive, it was not a part of this family’s ceremony. Then it was the bride herself that began to receive gifts, mostly in the form of cash, and oddly either tucked into or pinned onto a very large (and rather heavy) hat that she wore throughout the ceremony. The bride was accompanied by two female attendants throughout the day, although their purpose seemed mostly ceremonial as they didn’t do anything like write down who gave what for thank you card purposes. I didn’t ask, but I don’t think that’s a part of the culture to be honest.

The youngest brother of the bride
received his requested gifts.

The oldest brother of the bride with his new blanket
and sneakers. He was also the host of the ceremony.

The bride-to-be with her valuable hat.

More members of the family and community generously
give to the bride by pinning the money to her hat. 

When the bride was finished collecting, the first meal was served. Family and friends of the bride scurried around delivering plates filled with rice, chicken, beef, butternut, coleslaw, beetroot, and potato salads along with glasses and large bottles of cold drink (aka soda) to everyone as they sat outside. About twenty minutes after a plate with food was handed to me, a young girl came to collect it and take it for cleaning. Lucky I was done eating :-)

The family of the bride and others from the village
perform traditional dancing after the meal.

The rest of the day involved quite a few costumes and a whole lot of dancing. Sort of like a version of the movie “Step Up.” This one could have been subtitled “Zululand.” Since the bride’s family hosted the ceremony, people from all around the village were a part of her dance company. While the groom’s family sat on one side of the yard, the bride’s family started on the other side dancing towards them and then back. Sometimes just the men, carrying sticks and shields. Sometimes just the women, topless but with colorful skirts. Sometimes everyone. The music, mostly chanting, was sung by nearly everyone in attendance, while whistles blew to signal the time for high kicks and clapping. It was quite a performance by the village. When their turn was finally over (and I have no idea how that was determined) the groom’s family took their turn doing mostly the same thing. Their dance troop was a bit smaller since it was not supplemented by the village at-large, but what they lacked in numbers they made up for in style. Most of the men were wearing matching bright green, satin, button down shirts with neon orange crosses on the back. If there was a meaning to these costumes, it was lost on me, but they certainly looked beautiful.

The family of the groom performed several dances
wearing these brightly colored shirts.

After some amount of time of back and forth chanting and dancing, the bride’s oldest brother declared it was time for the second meal. At that point, everyone who was not actually family was expected to return to their homes, while the two families celebrated and dined inside a large tent decorated to the max with linens, lights (run on a generator) and fine china. There was also a DJ playing a pretty intense mix of Zulu and American music. I didn’t stay, but as I could see the whole thing from my front stoop, I had no problem hearing the music as well. I was sort of expecting it to be a party into the wee hours of the night, but the music shut down at about 7pm. Practically speaking, it’s not easy to walk home in the dark, and that is exactly what most of the family who lived elsewhere in the village needed to do.

Unfortunately I will not be invited to attend the actual wedding ceremony as that takes place at the groom’s family’s home, and in this case, in a totally different village. Since my host family is not related to the Ndlovu’s (we are part of the Ngobese family), it looks like I’ll have to wait a little longer before I attend a traditional Zulu wedding. Hopefully there will be one sometime in the next year!